Why does this have to be so hard

Ok so I haven't posted in a while but I am back!  I have had a really hard time!  One week I can do good all week then the weekend comes and I BLOW everything I just accomplished.  I have to admit hot wings are my downfall...yes I know you are saying "I thought you were vegetarian" yes I am BUT I am human and have given into my "fleshly" desires on more than one occasion!  It seems I always have the "I'll start again on Monday" attitude.  Well I am here to say that is FINISHED!!!
I just purchased a book called Made to Crave by Lysa Terkeurst and I am only in the 5th chapter but it is really speaking to me.  She talks about crying out to God for help and speaking out that "I am made for more than this".  I have to admit I have not been crying out to Him for help. When I am struggling I am not going to Him and pouring out my heart when I want that "food" that is SCREAMING out to me. Nope instead I give in to my flesh and satisfy it ~ overly for that matter ~ then the cycle of feelings come in to play of guilt,I'll start over tomorrow and then the thoughts of I am going to struggle with this for the rest of my life!
Well I am still here and NOT giving in, no way I have come too far to be defeated!
 I now have an accountability partner, one that I was told could never hold me accountable because we were too close.  I am no longer believing that lie.  My accountability partner is my husband, the love of my life,my BEST friend, and the one who knows me the VERY best next to God himself!  I share with him when I am struggling and he will help me.  I will also be calling on God and I am sure crying when I want my way.
If you too are wanting an accountability partner I would love to be that for you.  For me if I am helping someone else it helps me.  I have started by writing out my plan.  My plan is very simple to start with but cuts out a lot of questions...if it is not part of my plan then I will not partake.  Below I will list my plan so if I am with you and you have read this please feel free to help keep me to my plan.  The more accountability the better! 
I am asking all of you who are reading this to PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE keep me in your prayers believe with me that God will help me in this that I will stay true to my plan and with His help I will stay true to Hebrews 12:11 No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.  Believe me I am going through the painful part now but I know on the other side there is the fruit of righteousness and peace! Also please pray for my dear husband that he has the strength, love and endurance to put up with my flesh!  I can be pretty nasty when I want something and do not get my way :)
What I want from all of this is first the freedom from the "love" of food.  Second a closer relationship with my heavenly Father.  Third the peace that surpasses all understanding.  At this moment I do not have peace but feel a war inside of me. Lastly a healthy, vibrant and energetic body one that is a light in the darkness and can help those that are on the same dark path that I have been on!
Well I think I have encouraged myself and I believe I was made for more than this struggle with food!  I hope everyone has an awesome and blessed week!  Let me know if you have any comments or questions.  God Bless!

My Plan
No dairy
No meat
No sugar
No wheat
No caffeine
No alcohol

How my journey to raw came about...

I thought I would share with you why I decided to choose a raw lifestyle.  Three years ago a beautiful friendship started with Christopher and Amber Hergenreter.  They became very near and dear to our hearts as they still are today.  I cannot remember the exact conversation but one day Amber began to share with me her testimony of how she was healed of a pituitary gland tumor (see her full story Amber's testimony).  I was so amazed! This made me think about my mom and her battle with cancer. While in the hospital they wouldn't let her eat ANYTHING that was living; it all had to be cooked to just about mush.  So, I began my research.  I read all kinds of books, and Amber showed me how to juice.  She even let me borrow her juicer for quite awhile.  I had the knowledge, but I just couldn't do it!  I wanted to be healthy so much that every time I thought or talked about eating this way there was an excitement within me.  I wanted to help others get healthy, not push my new thoughts on them.  However, sometimes when I get excited, I can do just that (which I am allowing the Lord to change in me).  Unfortunately that back fired on me because when I tried forcing my family to switch over to raw well lets just say it was like WW III broke out in the McBride house!  I backed off and just focused on me losing weight, not so much on raw.  Deep down the desire was still there.  The next three years I tried and tried and tried until I FINALLY let what I was reading sink in that MOST people don't do it cold turkey you have to go slow.  This brings us to the last 6 months.  I am not perfect nor do I proclaim to be in this journey I may eat something that is not in my "plan" but that is what grace is for right? 
So you might ask~What are you eating? Well I start my day with water and vitamins.  I take GNC Women's Ultra Mega Active pack.  I then make a green or orange smoothie.  For lunch I will have a good sized salad with a variety of vegetables. For dinner I have some sauteed vegetables with quinoa or just in a lettuce wrap.  I switch it up where I will have cooked veggies for lunch and a salad or green smoothie for dinner.  I have not been 100% I have to be honest one of the days I have had a veggie baked sub, BUT the important thing is that i get right back in the saddle.  Today I have been 100%.  I have to say I feel way better than I have in the past few days.  It is amazing to me how just that ONE thing can make you feel icky. There you have it! I am now on my journey to raw.
Below are two smoothie recipes for those of you interested in trying them out.

Green Smoothie

fresh baby spinach(enough to fill blender)
frozen unsweetened pineapple, mango or any frozen fruit you prefer
one ripe banana
8oz water

For this you really need a high tech blender.  I use the Blend Tec.  Place all ingredients in blender in order listed. I use the whole foods button which is high speed for about 50 seconds.  Pour into pretty glass and use a straw to enjoy.

Orange Smoothie

1 cup baby carrots
frozen unsweetened pineapple or mango
12 oz fresh squeezed orange juice
water (if smoothie is too thick)

place all ingredients in blender in order listed.  Blend on high for 50 seconds.  If the consistency is too thick add some water and blend for a few seconds.

And so the Journey Begins...

I have decided to give myself an accountability for my "journey". This way people are reading and "knowing" what I am doing instead of me just trying this or that in secret. I have been wanting to become raw for over two years now and have dabbled in it quite a bit never having succeeded. In the past six months I have lost over 50 pounds only to find 10 of them back. I am catching it before it goes to far. My journey started with going to a local weight loss center which I had gone to previously 2 times in which I lost weight then gained it all back and then some. This time was different, you see I determined in my heart that this time was to be different and it was. I asked the Lord to help me this time and He did! Ask and you shall receive! I clung to a very important scripture Hebrews 12:11 No discipline seems pleasant at the time,but painful. Later on,however,it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Now some take that as discipline for your children, which I do as well BUT I was taking this scripture for myself because I have not had peace in my life nor righteousness. I could talk the talk but I wasn't walking the walk. I wanted to BELIEVE me I so wanted to, but the plain fact was that I wasn't doing so. So with some determination and discipline I was on my way. Four weeks into the 17 week program I switched to a vegetarian plan. This was a big and kind of scary thing but I did it AND I loved it! 8 weeks into my program I started exercising. I started with brisk walking 2 miles and ended up, after a few weeks running 4 miles! I LOVE to run. I believe you either love it or hate it. I ended my program with 50 pounds gone and a body that was starting to take a nice shape. The end of November my wonderful husband and I took a cruise for our 16th anniversary! That's where I started going downhill. Little by little (on the cruise as well as when we got back) I started putting those things back into my system that I worked so hard to detox. Two weeks later we went to Disney for our first family vacation. This is where my sickness started with a cold then moved into the flu then a couple of weeks with no sickness and now I am sick again. I have been sick since the end of November off and on and it is now the beginning of February. I feel horrible and when I look in the mirror my eyes are ALWAYS red and I don't have that "healthy glow" I had just a couple months ago. OK so all of that information I am now starting this blog to keep account of my daily eating and exercise (which I will start once this cold is gone) and hopefully to inspire ANYONE out there who thinks "I cannot do this". If I can do it so can you I have determination and I also have discipline.. I also want to say that this will all be to the GLORY of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I am not ashamed to admit that he is my ONLY true help. I will be slowly incorporating raw...who knows maybe it will be quickly but I will be doing some cooked but all vegetarian. I am not one who craves meat...it actually makes me feel bloated. I am not a save the animals tree hugger I just want to be healthy and for me it is meat free.